Athena and the Underworld Plague​

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By Ramone Misfit on September 26, 2024

Athena and the Underworld Plague

Athena painting

It was a particularly calm day on Olympus, and Athena, goddess of wisdom, found herself lounging in her marble study, surrounded by scrolls and tomes. She had just finished a delightful discourse on strategy with some mortal generals and was contemplating whether she should dive into another philosophical debate or craft a new battle plan for fun. However, for a goddess known for her intellect and wisdom, even she had days that felt strangely… mundane.

She took a sip of ambrosia, staring at the stack of scrolls she’d meticulously organized by category—war strategies, ethics, mortal idiocies, you name it.

“Well, Athena,” she thought aloud, “I suppose we could revisit the debate on free will again, but… I already settled that last century.”

Just as she sighed in mild exasperation, a flash of winged sandals announced Hermes, who zipped into her study like an uninvited breeze. He didn’t bother knocking—because when had Hermes ever cared about formalities?

“Athena!” he exclaimed, landing in front of her with that trademark mischievous grin. “You busy?”

“Clearly not,” Athena said dryly. “What chaos are you delivering today?”

Hermes feigned offense. “Chaos? Me? I bring news and entertainment! What could be chaotic about that?”

Athena arched an eyebrow. “Knowing you, everything. What is it, Hermes?”

“Well,” Hermes began, sitting cross-legged on the air in front of her, “I just came from seeing Hades, and he’s very concerned.”

“Concerned?” Athena asked, narrowing her eyes. “Hades? The one who oversees the dead and basically never leaves the underworld unless he’s dragged out? That Hades?”

“The very same,” Hermes nodded. “He’s got a bit of a… rat problem.”

Athena blinked. “A rat problem? In the underworld?”

“Oh, yes,” Hermes said, smirking. “Apparently, someone—cough, Hephaestus, cough—accidentally opened a portal from some mortal sewer into his realm, and now there’s an infestation of rats down there. They’re nibbling on the scrolls of the dead, gnawing on the River Styx boats, and just causing general mayhem.”

Athena couldn’t help but laugh. “So the lord of the underworld is being overrun by rats? That’s rich.”

“Not just rats,” Hermes added. “Cursed rats that are somehow immune to death. So they’re, like, eternally annoying.”

Athena smirked. “Well, that certainly is an interesting problem. But what does Hades want from me?”

“That’s the thing!” Hermes said, leaning in conspiratorially. “He didn’t ask you for help. He’s too proud, you know? He just ranted about it for hours while I delivered some souls. But I thought it might be fun for you to go down there and show him how a little wisdom can solve even the most absurd problems.”

Athena tapped her chin. “Hades… needing help with rats. That would be a first. But I’m not sure how I could solve this one. If they’re immune to death, then traps won’t work. Neither will divine extermination. Perhaps I could charm them into leaving, though that doesn’t seem very… dignified for me.”

Hermes grinned. “I know, I know. But you always find a clever solution, don’t you? And think of how hilarious it’ll be when you show up with a solution Hades would never have thought of.”

Athena tilted her head. “You want me to embarrass Hades?”

“Well,” Hermes shrugged, “not exactly. More like, humble him. You know, in a friendly kind of way.”

Athena stood up, straightening her armor, her eyes gleaming. “Alright, Hermes. Let’s pay uncle Hades a little visit.”

A short while later, Athena descended into the underworld with her usual grace. She crossed the River Styx without even a glance at the groaning souls floating in its depths, much to Charon’s annoyance. She arrived at Hades’ palace to find him pacing in front of his massive ebony throne, grumbling under his breath.

As expected, rats were everywhere. Small, scampering creatures darted across the floors, up the walls, and some even gnawed on Hades’ sandals. Cerberus, the three-headed guardian dog, was half-heartedly swatting at them with his paws, clearly annoyed.

“Hades,” Athena called out, stifling a laugh as a rat darted across his throne, “you look troubled.”

Hades turned sharply, glaring at her. “Troubled is an understatement, Athena. I am infested. What brings you here? Come to gloat over my misfortune?”

“Hardly,” she said, stepping carefully around a particularly bold rat. “But Hermes told me you were having some… issues.”

Hades scowled. “Issues? This is not an ‘issue,’ Athena. This is a catastrophe! Look at them! I am the lord of the underworld, and I can’t get rid of these rats!”

Athena glanced at the rats, considering her options. “I’ll admit, this is quite a unique problem. They’re immortal, you say?”

Hades sighed heavily. “Yes, and they’re relentless. I’ve tried everything—curses, plagues, even summoning the Furies to scare them off, but they just keep respawning apparently.”

Athena smiled to herself. “Well, Hades, sometimes brute force isn’t the answer. You need to think strategically. What do rats want?”

Hades raised an eyebrow. “To annoy me, apparently.”

“No,” Athena said, shaking her head. “They want food, shelter, and safety. That’s why they’re here.”

“And how does knowing that help me?” Hades grumbled, kicking a rat that was trying to chew on his cloak.

“Simple,” Athena replied, her eyes gleaming with amusement. “You offer them a better place to live.”

Hades stared at her. “You want me to give the rats a home? Here? In the underworld?”

“Not here,” Athena corrected. “You send them somewhere else. Somewhere more appealing than this cold, dark underworld. Somewhere warm, with plenty of food.”

“And where exactly would that be?” Hades asked, clearly skeptical.

Athena smirked. “Olympus.”

Hades blinked. “Olympus? You’re suggesting I send immortal rats to Olympus? Why in the name of Tartarus would I do that?”

“Hear me out,” Athena said, raising a hand. “Olympus is full of ambrosia. Rats love food, don’t they? If you send them up there, they’ll be so distracted by the endless feasts that they won’t even think about returning to the underworld.”

Hades crossed his arms. “And what about Zeus? He won’t exactly be thrilled with a rat infestation on Olympus.”

Athena grinned. “Zeus has had bigger problems—remember the beard comb incident? Besides, if the rats are immortal, they’ll just keep cycling between the ambrosia and the divine leftovers. It’ll be a self-sustaining problem. But you… you’ll have peace.”

Hades looked at her, his dark eyes narrowing. “You’re suggesting I dump my problem on my brother.”

Athena shrugged. “Well, technically, yes. But think about it. My father deserves a little trouble now and then, doesn’t he? And you’ll have solved your rat problem without lifting a finger.”

Hades stared at her for a long moment, then slowly, a grin spread across his face. “Athena, I never thought I’d say this, but you’re more devious than I gave you credit for.”

“Wisdom isn’t always about knowledge,” Athena said with a wink. “Sometimes it’s about knowing how to shift the problem elsewhere.”

Hades chuckled darkly. “Very well. I’ll give it a try. I’ll have Hermes set the portal to Olympus.”

“Happy to help,” Athena said, turning to leave. “Oh, and if Zeus starts asking questions, don’t mention my name.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Hades said, still smirking.

Later that day, back on Olympus, Zeus was enjoying a particularly fine goblet of nectar when he heard a faint scurrying sound. At first, he ignored it. But then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small, furry creature dart across the hall.

“Was that… a rat?” Zeus muttered to himself, frowning. “On my Olympus?”

From across the courtyard, Athena caught sight of the scene and couldn’t help but smile.

It was going to be an interesting day on Olympus.

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