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It was a rare, peaceful morning on Mount Olympus. The sun was shining, the clouds were fluffy and white, and not a single mortal was pleading for rain, vengeance, or divine intervention. Zeus, the King of the Gods, was reclining in his golden throne, leisurely eating a plate of ambrosia, and wondering what he would do with the rest of his day.
“Maybe I’ll hurl a thunderbolt at some mountains,” he mused, twirling a small lightning bolt between his fingers. “Or start a nice little storm over the Aegean…”
Just then, the grand doors of his palace swung open with a loud creak. In strolled Hermes, his winged sandals barely touching the ground as he zipped across the marble floor, an all-too-familiar smirk on his face.
“Father!” Hermes called out. “I’ve got news.”
Zeus rolled his eyes. “Please tell me it’s not more mortals asking me to fix their crops. I’ve sent them plenty of rain lately.”
“Nope, not crops,” Hermes said, landing lightly at the foot of Zeus’s throne. “It’s a bit more… personal.”
Zeus raised an eyebrow. “Personal?”
“Oh, yes,” Hermes grinned, leaning in conspiratorially. “You know how the other gods have been gossiping behind your back?”
Zeus frowned. “I am the King of the gods. What could they possibly have to gossip about?”
“Well,” Hermes began, clearly enjoying himself, “Ares, Athena, and Apollo have all been talking about how you’ve… uh, how should I put this… lost your edge.”
Zeus sat up straight, nearly dropping his ambrosia. “Lost my edge? I command the sky, the storms, the thunder and lightning! How dare they?”
“Oh, don’t take it too personally,” Hermes said, waving a hand. “It’s just that, you know, lately you’ve been a little… predictable.”
Zeus’s jaw dropped. “Predictable? I am anything but predictable! I’m Zeus, for Olympus’s sake!”
“Well, sure,” Hermes said, pretending to be thoughtful. “But you do seem to spend an awful lot of time sitting on this throne, tossing thunderbolts for no real reason. Ares says you’ve become ‘the God of Boredom.’”
“Boredom?” Zeus thundered, his voice shaking the very pillars of the palace. “I am not boring! I’m just… thoughtful.”
Hermes chuckled. “Sure, sure. And Apollo says you’ve been reusing the same storm pattern for centuries. He’s started calling them ‘Zeus’s Greatest Hits.’”
Zeus stared at Hermes, thunder beginning to rumble faintly in the distance. “Oh, they think they can mock me, do they? The god who can smite them with a flick of his wrist?”
Hermes raised an eyebrow. “Well, technically, yes, but you haven’t really smited anyone in a while. That’s kind of the point.”
Zeus crossed his arms, fuming. “So, what do you suggest I do, wise Hermes?”
Hermes smiled brightly. “Funny you should ask! I happen to have a little… idea to help you shake things up a bit.”
Zeus eyed him warily. “Go on.”
Hermes clapped his hands together. “Well, since the other gods think you’ve gone soft, why not play a little trick on them? Prove them wrong in the most unpredictable way possible.”
Zeus’s interest was piqued. “I’m listening.”
“Picture this,” Hermes said, pacing in front of the throne. “You challenge the other gods to a friendly competition. Something unexpected. Something no one would see coming.”
Zeus stroked his beard. “What kind of competition?”
“Bowling,” Hermes said with a grin.
“Bowling?” Zeus echoed, confused.
“Yes, bowling!” Hermes said, excitedly. “It’s all the rage among mortals these days. We could set up an arena, you know, like those mortal bowling alleys, and you can show them that you’re still the king of the gods—by knocking down some pins with your thunderbolts!”
Zeus blinked. “You want me, the ruler of Olympus, to challenge the gods to a bowling match?”
Hermes nodded enthusiastically. “Exactly! They won’t see it coming, and you’ll wipe the floor with them! Plus, imagine how much fun it’ll be to see Apollo trying to figure out the proper way to roll a ball.”
Zeus’s frown slowly melted into a grin. The idea was absurd, ridiculous even… which made it perfect.
“You know what, Hermes? You may be onto something.”
“Great!” Hermes said, wings fluttering as he darted out of the room. “I’ll set everything up!”
A few hours later, Zeus found himself standing in what was possibly the strangest place he had ever seen on Mount Olympus: a bowling alley. Marble floors stretched out into lanes, golden pins set up at the end of each. Bowling balls sat on pedestals, ready for use. The gods had gathered around, most of them looking both confused and amused.
“This is ridiculous,” Ares muttered, crossing his arms. “Bowling? Really?”
“Don’t be a spoil-sport, Ares,” Athena said, smirking. “It could be fun.”
Apollo, examining a bowling ball, looked perplexed. “How do mortals play this without using lightning bolts? It seems terribly inefficient.”
“Mortals are resourceful,” Hermes said with a grin, zipping between the gods. “But don’t worry, we’re playing the Olympian version. Thunderbolts encouraged.”
Zeus stepped forward, holding his own customized bowling ball—a gleaming orb crackling with static electricity. He looked at the gathered gods with a sly grin. “So, you all think I’ve lost my touch, do you?”
Ares scoffed. “We never said that.”
Zeus’s eyes gleamed. “Well, here’s your chance to prove it. Let’s see who can knock down the most pins… and who’s going to be eating their words by the end of the day.”
He stepped up to the lane, took a few confident strides, and hurled the bowling ball forward with a dramatic flourish. As it sailed down the lane, a massive thunderbolt followed behind it, crackling through the air. The ball hit the pins with an earth-shaking boom, sending them flying in all directions.
“Strike!” Hermes yelled, pumping his fist in the air.
Zeus turned to the other gods, smug. “And that’s how it’s done.”
Apollo stepped up next, clearly determined to outshine Zeus. He picked up a ball, took a deep breath, and flung it down the lane. But instead of a graceful roll, the ball ricocheted wildly off the side of the lane, veering off into the audience of nymphs who had gathered to watch.
“Ouch!” one of the nymphs yelped, as the ball grazed her shoulder.
“Uh, sorry about that!” Apollo called, looking embarrassed.
Ares laughed, slapping his knee. “Looks like the god of light isn’t so good at bowling!”
Athena, next in line, rolled her eyes. “This is absurd, but I guess different,” she muttered as she took her turn, managing a respectable knockdown of most pins. “Not bad for a game with no strategy,” she commented.
As the game continued, chaos ensued. Hera used a gust of wind to guide her ball down the lane (Zeus chose to overlook this slight cheating). Dionysus, after a bit too much wine, hurled his ball so far off course that it smashed through the back wall of the palace. And Ares, determined to win, threw his ball so hard that it shattered the pins—along with half the bowling lane.
“Sorry, did I overdo it?” Ares asked, smirking.
By the time the game ended, the gods were all in various states of exasperation and laughter. Zeus, of course, had won handily, and he stood at the front of the group, arms crossed, a victorious grin plastered on his face.
“So,” he said, “still think I’ve lost my edge?”
Apollo, rubbing his temples, shook his head. “No, Father. You’ve still got it.”
“Definitely,” Ares added, looking slightly humbled.
Zeus nodded, pleased. “Good. Now, if any of you ever doubt me again, remember this day—the day Zeus, King of the Gods, became the undisputed champion of bowling.”
Hermes, still grinning ear to ear, whispered to Zeus, “Told you it would work.”
Zeus chuckled. “Alright, Hermes, I’ll give you this one. It was a good idea.”
As the gods dispersed, talking about their new favorite game, Zeus sat back on his throne, feeling satisfied. Sure, it was ridiculous. But he had proven his point—and had a little fun along the way.
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